#why the actual fuck though
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i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues
#oh the experience of being 13 years old and seeing all my friends talking about wanting to have sex and obsessing over it#and being like 'we are all literally WAY too young to be having sex what the actual fuck are you talking about#why are you even considering it when we have much more important things to worry about. like how much middle school sucks'#you know what though. i still stand by this. that was an entirely reasonable thought to have and i WAS being normal about it#anyway#mine#asexuality
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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some thoughts on Claude
alt title: diversity win! this Butch Nun is crafting bombs in an unventilated room in her convent while actively courting Mother Superior! Do Not Give Them Access To Unlimited Power No Matter How Nice They Are
+ bonus
#reminder that Claude is one of the only other housemaidens present in Start Again: A Prologue! Think about this for me <3#isat spoilers#isat fanart#in stars and time#isat#in stars and time fanart#isat claude#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat odile#isat mirabelle#start again: a prologue#lucabyteart#some of these punchlines have been sat around in my files for almost a year at this point LMAOOO.. they were good enough to persist.#anyway yes i know claudes spectacles are small on her sprite but i like doing the dot eye in glasses thing so thats what ur getting !!#also swearing forever yay yay yay. sorry to fake swear lovers but sometimes i need it for the comedy to hit. sorry#... i might post that sasasap kick in the teeth on its own later just because i do like it a lot.#but yeah i have a decent amount of thoughts on claude. mostly informed by that i read both her and & euphrasie as rlly obvious signifiers#that like. mirabelles house is more than a little bit disorganised and way too lax on certain ethical ... concerns....#girls and guys youre in a place that lacks need for even a police force.... why were you workshopping rock traps and pungee pits...?#who signed off on that... are you guys like. you guys seem nice but are you alright. should i be worried#gotta respect the hustle of trying to fuck the head priest of your organisation though. genuinely love that for her#but WHAT a workplace ethics nightmare!! I thought it was bad enough reading it as unrequited. YOURE TELLING ME SHE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO HIT?#INSANE. I DONT WANT TO BE IN THE BUILDING FOR THAT BREAKUP. GET ME ON A PILGRIMAGE *STAT*
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pls dad astarion i beg of you
as much as i really want to i don’t know how much sense it makes, so for now let’s just be unserious
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#tavstarion#maybe i’ll make some actual art if someone can come up with a VERY good reason why he would agree to it#dorian would be a GREAT dad though#don’t worry as soon as i have a character who gets with gale i’ll dad the fuck out of him#for now they’re the funcles#maybe after a decade of therapy?#i hate that i did this because dorian and the bab are SO cute that i want to continue
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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being a system is having one of your headmates say the wildest shit known to man and just going "WHAT." while turning around to look at nothing
this post is NOT for anti endos!!
[pt: this post is not for anti endos!!]
#plague rambles#just did this btw#i saw a dazai figure on pinterest and went “why did i think you were twerking at first”#and this motherfucker just goes “they did do my ass nicely though”#and i just slowly turned around before realizing. right. theyre in my mind i cant look at them physically#system shenanigans#system stuff#plural system#system things#actually a system#system#sysblr#pro endo#pro endogenic#endo safe#anti endos dni#anti endos fuck off#anti endos not for you#plural#plurality#actually plural#pluralgang#plural community#pluralpunk
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"I don't think it's Right and Proper in society for a yellow and a green name to be living together" Ren what fucking Regency Romance Novel are you living in jfkdbghjs
#life series#wild life#wild life spoilers#rendog#renmartyn#what the fuck is their ship name i cannot remember#treebark#! thank you faesafeplace#why the fuck not dogwood though it's their names AND it's an actual tree name
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sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go
#the locked tomb#harrowhark nonagesimus#john gaius#harrow the ninth#this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL#this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships#(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think#the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real#but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed)#there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone?#yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't)#the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god#when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care#(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution)#and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on#it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there#while john is -- well he sure is being john huh#this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end#(with john slam dunked right into hell that is)#it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up#john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too
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day 1765
#amphibian#frog#self#frogsona#thanks everyone for the congrats and well wishes!!!#genuinely meant a lot :)#healing is going super well!! i was expecting it to be a lot worse tbh but i'm mostly just tired#the post op binder SUCKS though i understand why it's useful but i can't wait to be out of it#today (day of posting) i FINALLY got to see the results for the first time though!! after getting the big bandaids and stitches removed#they didn't take any pictures of the results before taping me up so i've had to be sooo patient#actually seeing it felt unreal im so happy?? it already looks amazing and it's healing so well#i keep looking back at the pictures i took holy fuck that's me!!! it feels so right i have never felt this good about my body wow
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no thoughts just kevin being such a little nerd that he went out of his way and convinced riko to be a history major with him
#partially this is in my head because it’s fucking hilarious#but also it lends more importance to kevin’s major#like he genuinely has a passion for something outside of exy#enough that he actually pursued it even though it caused extra work for him that could have been focused on exy#idk this started with me cracking up of riko scourge-of-the-masses-king-of-exy being a fucking history major#but now i’m emotional about 17 year old kevin finding a way to have a life outside of the sport even if he still had riko with him#like he actually wanted something besides exy#idk why this is important to me but it is#all for the game#aftg#tsc#the sunshine court#tsc spoilers#the sunshine court spoilers#kevin day
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fortified by age-old condolences
drawings of the northern lights
god, give us clearer skies
open-eyed, entangled in promises
furthering the questions asked
hands tied behind our backs
bared fangs behind a mask
shaking violently. hey guys. aur. aura mirabelle animatic. can anyone hear me in here. c
ok. i’m not actually making any promises here. i don’t know video editing and also!!!! ive got weird fucked up motivation. the last time i tried to make an animatic was like 4 years ago and i forgot about it after a day. but the Temptations. so for now (indeterminate amount of time) you’re just getting the intro tarot cards. For Now.
also for anyone who’s curious, the cards shown here are the sun reversed, the moon upright, and the stars reversed!! i just kept them the same as they were in the mv. from my Extremely Surface Level understanding, the sun reversed can represent pessimism and ignorance, the moon can represent mystery and self-deception, and the stars reversed can represent a loss of faith! again though, i’m not well versed in tarot card readings in Any Way, please let me know if i’m wrong about anything here!
also for convenience and stuff, here’s the flipped version!! again, no idea if i’m ever going to do more with this idea lol. dddon’t get your hopes up or anything
#marshdoodles#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#i love making mira’s hair Fucking Massive but god it’s going to make placing that halo such a pain in the ass if i go through with this#im actually really proud of how i drew mira’s hair here though. idk why???#also the halos are supposed to like. resemble the change symbol a little? with the rings?#iii dunno. i’ll have to figure that out later#anyways. trembling. do you guys see the vision.#also!!!! it’ll be my birthday soon!!!! like. 24 hours soon!!!!!#i should finish up my isatsona for that. teehees
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glad we all drastically underestimated just how big this jacket was
#splatoon#my art#off the hook#splatoon pearl#its not our fault though in the damp socks art its normal sized#but that concert.... why is it SO big its so funny#i really wonder if that's how its actually supposed to be or if whoever made the concert models just went crazy with it#cuz the design of it is slightly different too they might be working off the finalized design??#but we wont know for sure for another week! so have this for fun :)#“how are we supposed to take her seriously in side order when she looks like a gnome???” that's why she's a fucking drone next question
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#this one is very easy to get strange angles with. because it's just got so many weird shapes on it#porygon#bald#even the original front-facing angle was strange and you could barely tell it's front-facing#hell‚ this angle you can at least tell what it's supposed to be#if you remember the realpokemon post. you remember#this thing also got like banned from the anime or some shit because of an episode that featured it giving kids seizures#fucking did i almost just type “seasures”?? hello?? where am i#even though it was pikachu who initiated the explosion that caused the seizures. and iirc it wasn't even that many seizures#it was like the galaxy note7. where only like 20 or so phones actually exploded but it still got banned from planes#or maybe i'm remembering Every tidbit of information here incorrectly!#y'see folks. this is why i am not a reliable source of information#because i will not be fact checking any of this and instead i'll end off the post with “but idk lol”#edit: it was a lot of seizures. and yes this justifies taking the episode off the air but i don’t feel like the pokémon itself#deserves to be banned from the anime is my point. plenty of folks still like this pokémon#hmm. i wonder if i maybe shouldn’t be spreading middle school rumors on the middle school rumors website
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in my mind kakania would have little to no problem accepting the fact that she is into women. however the thought of her being into isolde is something that would absolutely vex her, i think. while they did start off as casual acquaintances and friends, isolde is still her patient, and to some level kakania winds up being responsible for isolde's wellbeing. with that in mind, kakania can hardly fathom the thought of burdening isolde with her feelings, which she feels absolutely selfish for even indulging in. even if those feelings were to be returned, it still wouldn't put kakania's mind at rest. it still wouldn't be enough to get kakania to convince herself that she's fine with feeling this way. ultimately it's not necessarily internalized homophobia nor societal pressure that troubles her, but rather her own ethical and psychological concerns
it'd be even worse for her if those feelings didn't exactly ... go away even after everything that happened in chapter 6. she'd be overwhelmed with guilt, and think to herself that the best course of action would be to distance herself from isolde, but the most painful part is that even after seeing isolde at her worst, she still can't help but want to love isolde. even after kakania herself had presumably tainted isolde's perception of her. so what if that's what was necessary at the moment. after leaving isolde broken and shattered, how could kakania even dare to think she deserves to love isolde? if it once felt horribly wrong for kakania to be in love with her, everything that has transpired between them only served to make it worse!
#reverse 1999#reverse 1999 kakania#kakania#reverse 1999 isolde#isolde#isokania#I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAINNNNNNN#read a few fics i could find on them and it has me thinking again#actually i have been thinking this up for awhile but auauauauaugh yeah#just delving more into kakania in general#i kept thinking of the ship template i filled in#and the fact that she is closer to the “they just killed themselves at the idea of being in love” side than isolde#even though as you all may know#i think she would have been far more accepting of her own sexuality than isolde#idk i just found it a bit funny#BUT IT MAKES SENSE!! IT ALL DOES!!#and that's why i decided to make this post to elaborate#lesbian kakania agenda
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Listen, I love Fiddlestan as much as the next guy, but where did we start getting the idea Ford was cold and dismissive towards Fidds during their time working on the portal???
I could totally be wrong because I haven't read every single GF related thing (hell, my journals aren't decoded because I'm a slacker), but like??? The first time he saw him, he bought him his favorite snacks *and* a whole ass banjo and said he'd make it his mission that Fiddleford would be comfortable in his home.
They go adventuring together and talk about things like fashion trends and the future and go stargazing.
Ford is *so* happy when Fiddleford returns that he hugs him immediately. Abd then he feels bad that Fiddleford feels bad about his failing marriage that he throws him a holiday party even though he doesn't celebrate and hates the holidays honestly. And he put on Fiddlefords favorite song (which he despises and honestly? ME TOO FORD. I HAVE BEEF WITH THAT SONG) and drank seemingly spiked eggnog with him despite not usually liking to drink. So that he could make Fiddleford feel better.
He also just openly adores everything Fiddleford does. Maybe it's only in his journals. You could argue he doesn't say it out loud but, like, he exclusively describes him as impressive all of the time-
And I get where it's coming from in like a "oh he's a workaholic who has the pressure of Bill breathing down his neck that he has to be working on the portal 24/7." And like yeah, but in the pages he's a workaholic he's a workaholic practically begging Fiddleford to stay up with him because he loves working along side him. Fiddleford and him work *together.*
Like the page where they're sorta fighting with each other because Ford wants to work more its not "leave me alone Fiddleford, I have to do this" it's "hey! How come you won't stay up with me! Ugh this is so unfair that you're going to bed even though you know I plan to continue working for another hour."
I'm just saying if Fiddleford wanted to cuddle, I imagine Ford's response would be "Oh! Awesome, I love spending time with him 🥰🥰🥰" but he'd just end up using Fidds' back as a table for his studies. Or they'd do that thing where one of them is working on a desk and they sit on one chair in each other's arms.
And, while we're here, realistically? Emotionally stunted, slapped by more women than He's dated, "I can't cry in front of people, and the only thing I'm good for is my fists." Stanley Pines??? He's not cuddling shit. He's got that toxic masculinity ingrained into him. It doesn't matter how incredibly touch starved he is, cuddling is too emotionally intimate and "girly" for him. Honestly if Fiddleford tried to cuddle him he'd probably throw him in a headlock because he's also been on the streets for years now with people constantly trying to attack him.
And I'm not saying this to diss on Fiddlestan. Again, I *like* Fiddlestan! But when I read "Ford could never appreciate him like Stan could" I don't understand it.
They so clearly bonded well together, and if Ford truly was being an asshole (or not an asshole, but just generally unpleasant even when he wasn't possessed) the whole time, I doubt Fiddleford would've stayed. Nostalgia and physical attraction can only get you so far, and Fidds is already facing the horrors in Gravity Falls, Stanford has to be a hell of an amazing person to make someone want to stay. Like, he's a grown adult. Sure he really wanted to impress Ford and allotted himself to be "the tech guy to Ford's smarts" but if he wanted to leave, he could've. And there didn't seem to much keeping him there. Especially when he was having doubts on the portal.
#gravity falls#the book of bill#stanford pines#ford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#stanley pines#stan pines#fiddauthor#ford^2#ford squared#fiddlestan#why do we have to squash one ship to prop another up?#My take might be biased though#because as much as i love the cutesy fiddlestan posts#i gravitate towards the 'fucked up' fiddlestan where they're toxic and looking for distractions#where Fiddleford never recognizes Stan as his own person and rather deludes himself that its ford until he actually looses his mind#and like hes gotta like Ford to do that lol#dont ask why i gravitate towards toxicity#i think i just like exploring human flaws in character because im sick of fandoms glossing over them#and im slowly getting more and more extreme with the flaws i guess#but like cmonnnnn the inherent problems in relationships are what make them interesting right?
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